Take Care of Yourself
by Flecher and Friend
Summary: Sherlock has never been good at taking care of himself. One day that all catches up to him.
1. Chapter 1

**So this takes place after the season, but I kinda just assume that everyone is okay. So its like a few months later or something. This is my first kind of serious piece. I hope you all like it. **

I ran my hand through Sherlocks loss curls. He was still sleeping. I climbed out of the bed trying my best to keep it that way. Why must he always be such an idiot.

"Thank you." I heard him mutter under his breath grabbing my arm. "I could have died."

"I know I spat back. You could have." I shock his arm off walking out of the room. You could have died and left me here without you. I slammed the door leaning against the wall, slowly letting myself slid down, tears pouring from my eyes. How could he care that little for himself when I cared so much for him.

I think that I might need to step back and start this a bit earlier actually. So let me star again. Here we go, let me think. I could... or... no... Thats it...

I woke up. Wiping the sleep out of my eyes. The sun was already up. Did my alarm not go off? Cell phone. I thought reaching to my night stand. No phone. Did I really forget my phone? I couldn't have, I would have noticed when I went to set my alarm. There was only one thing that could have happened. I hoped up meandering down stairs.

"Sherlock!" I called. "Sherlock have you seen my phone?"

"Yeah!" He said.

"Well where is it?" I asked joining him in the living room.

"Here you go." He handed me several pieces of what clearly used to be my phone.

"What the hell. You know I think that when I went to bed it was all in one piece."

"Yes it was." He agreed.

"And you know what? I think it was in my room."

"Yes that it also true." He nodded looking down at something that was lying in on the table.

"You went into my room!" … No response. "What ever." I said sitting down next to him. "What are you doing?"

"I'm doing an experiment."

"And my phone was that part of your experiment?"

"Yes of course."

"And whats that your working on?"

"My phone." He said.

"So you threw both of our phones out the window?"

"No." He said looking at me like I was crazy. "I put mine in the microwave." he said shaking his head.

"Of course. So why did you destroy our phones."

"Well..."

"You know what actually I'm already running late for work." I said. "I'll see you latter."

"Your leaving?"

"Yes remember work. Its a thing that normal people do." I said heading back up stairs and changing into day clothing. I was going to just slip out. I didn't feel like talking. I was running late and he had stole something of mine and broken it.

"John." Sherlock called right as I passed the door.

"What?" I called. "I don't suppose that your going to apologize."

"For what?" I think the thing that always surprises me is how genuinely he seemed to not know what I was talking about.

"Never mind."

"Right John are you going out?"

"I told you already I have to get to work."

"Well if your out could you grab me a few more phones."

"Really?" I said looking in at him.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"I don't know if I'll have time."

"Make times."

"You know I think that you can go get it." I said starting down the stairs. "I'll see you latter." He didn't respond. There was no way that I was going to get anything for him. I caught a cab to work. I was late. I think I was already late when I left the house. Sarah had been covering for me.

"I'm so sorry." I said running over to her. "Thank you so much."

"Thats no problem." She said shrugging.

"I can take over." I said taking my chart from her.

"Great I should probably get down to the front anyways."

"Yeah I'll see you at lunch I guess." She nodded.

"See you then." The rest of the mornings was really one of the easier ones that I have had. Turns out there are some perks to being un-contactable. I saw several patience, nothing very exciting. At lunch time I wandered down to meet Sarah.

"So do you want get some lunch then?" I asked knowing that we had already made planes to.

"Yeah let me grab my coat." She said walking over to the coat wrack and taking a tan wool blazer.

"Any ideas where to go?" I asked taking her hand as we left.

"I don't know anything seems fine with me."

"I haven't really explored the area, what's around here."

"Hum, there's a good pizza place near."

"Great that sounds lovely." It was only a few blocks so we decided to walk.

"You wouldn't happen to be named John Watson would you?" The server said as soon as we walked in.

"Thats me."

"You have a phone call waiting for you." He said looking confused.

"I'll go get us a table." Sarah said.

"Just follow me." The waiter said leading me over to a phone near the kitchen.

"Hello." I said knowing full well who was on the other line.

"Where are those phones I asked you for?"

"I'm hanging up."

"Don't do you know how long I've been waiting. Could you have taken any longer to get here."

"How would you even know what time I left?"

"Don't ask stupid questions. I called your work and they said you left. Then I simply figured out how many restaurants were in walking distance, took in account if they were open for lunch and finally your food preferences."

"You know my food preferences?"

"Stupid question. You eat constantly I'm bound to notice."

"Since when is three times a day constantly?"

"Always, there is just no way that we could need that much."

"You are aware how stupid you sound right now. As a trained doctor I can honestly tell you that yes you should eat three times a day. Not that I ever manage that many."

"Your a surgeon not a nutritionist."

"And your neither."

"Whats your point?"

"My point? My point is that I'm at lunch with my girl friend and wasting time fighting with you, even though I couldn't care less what you think about my eating habits."

"I think you do care. If you didn't why would you engage in the first place. Therefore..."

"I'm actually hanging up now."

"Don't forget the..." I slammed the phone down taking two deep breaths. I'm made at Sherlock not Sarah. There is no reason that she should have to deal with this. I got myself as calm as I could before I sat down at our table.

"They make good calzones." She said handing me a menu. I took it only glancing down.

"What will you be having?" Another server asked.

"That one." Sarah said pointing.

"And you?"

"Just a slice of cheese."

"Those will be right out." The employ walked away.

"Its been great weather."

"Yeah..."

"I went down to the park the other day..." I nodded. I think she kept talking all through the meal, but even as I was listening I couldn't have told you what it was she was saying. My mind had left the conversation. I didn't want to go back to work. I would rather just go and pick up the phones. I was in need of a knew one anyways so I would be there already so I could grab the ones that Sherlock needed, and most likely they would lead to something far more exciting. No can't think about that. But I did think about that. I thought about it on the way back and all the way 'till the end of my shift. I wanted to have the same relief that I had all morning, I got threw a whole day of work. That should be great. On my way out Sarah stopped me to talk about how great it was to go out, and asked if I wanted to get dinner tomorrow. I agreed, hoping by then I would be in enough of a good mood to enjoy spending time together. I walked out side the sky had already gotten dark, stupid winter.

"How do you really stay in the building so long?" I turned around to see Sherlock waiting at a bench by the door.

"You really came all the way over here to get me."

"No I just happened to be in the neighborhood." He said smiling. I laughed.

"I'm sure and where was it that you were going around here?"

"To find the location of a murderer. Want to come?"

"What happened with the phones?"

"I realized that they were just a red haring."

"At least I know that you broke them for a good reason."

"Not every experiment can be useful. Though believe me that bugged me. I hate wasting time. So are you coming or not?"

"Of course I'm coming."

"Great. This way." He grabbed my hand pulling me down a random side street. That street led to another then another. I had to run to keep up. Clearly he knew exactly where we were, a trait that I had come to expect.

"How much further?" I called trying to keep pace next to him.

"Just around..." We turned a corner causing him to stop in his tracks in front of an old ware house building. "We're here."

"So just to clear this up. There is a murderer in this building and we are going to stop them, but we decided not to bring the police. Did you even think to bring my gun." Sherlock laughed.

"Theres not a murderer in there." He rolled his eyes. "Obviously."

"There is no way that could have been obvious to me."

"Well..."

"Don't start." I said.

"Fine, but I was going to say something really clever."

"I'm sure you were." I followed him into the building. The place was entirely empty. I watched as Sherlock ran around clearly looking for something. I would have helped if I any idea what it was that we were looking for. I pulled a crate over and took a seat. I could hear him muttering something, numbers I think.

"Got it." He said running back over.

"Got what?" He held up a board with carvings in it. I raised my eyebrow. "Its..." I placed his hand on my shoulder for balance.

"Are you alright?" I asked offering my hands out for more stability.

"I'm fine." He said shaking his head.

"So whats our next move?" I asked.

"To the police station." He said.

"Why whats there."

"Nothing, but when I give them this then the map to find the killer will be there."

"So thats the map?" I said pointing at the plank. He nodded. "Why didn't you just say that?"

"Because the way I said it was more fun." He said twirling around on his heals. "Must press on." And taking off at a run again.

"Wait up." I called chasing after him. It surprised me that it only took a few minutes before I knew where we were. We reached a main street and from there it was just a straight shoot to the station. I watched as Sherlock began to slow down with ever block, until finally he was keeled over with his hands on his knees. "Should I hail a cab?" He shock his head continuing to walk slowly.

"We are only a block away." He panted.

"Sherlock." I grabbed him.

"Let..." I can only assume that he was going to tell me to let go, but he didn't get a chance to finish before falling.


	2. Chapter 2

"Holly shit." I yelled grabbing him around the waist. His body started to convulse against me. I held on like trying to keep hold of a fish. "Shit. Sherlock." Just as fast as it had started he went limp eyes rolling back in his head. I leaned him against me reaching for my phone, which was of course not there. "You better be grateful for this." I hoisted him up, surprised how light he was. I pulled his arm around my neck. His arms and legs felt boney around me. I walked at the fastest speed that I could manage even given his light weight it still would have been impossible to run with him. I needed to get somewhere that I could lay him down and figure out what was wrong, so I decided to continue on to the station. I kicked the door opened trying to make sure not to slam him into anything. "Lestrade!" I called pulling Sherlock in tighter as we joined the bustle of the busy building. "Lestrade!"

"What!" He called. "You better be here to tell me that bloody Sherlock Homes has solved this case."

"Not quite." I said walking into the room.

"Holly hell. What happened?" He said standing up.

"I don't know." I lay him down on the sofa.

"Should I call an ambulance?"

"I think so." I said. Looking Sherlock over. "Oh yeah this." I held out the plank. "I think he was going to give this to you, its a map."

"Thanks." Lestrade said taking it with his free hand the other holding on to his phone. "I'll send Donovan to go check this out... Yeah... Thanks... They said they'll send a car." I nodded pulling Sherlocks gloves off and running my figures over his wrist.

"He's completely dehydrated." I said. Can I even think when I last saw him take in any water or food come to think of it. I lightly tapped his face trying to wake him up to no avail. Lestrade left the two of us well he went to pass the map along. I sat down on the edge of the couch keeping my hand on him, not sure why I felt the need to. I guess to make sure that he was breathing. He was breathing, but not normal. His breathing was shallow and weak. His skin felt cold, I contemplated if I should put his glove back on, but opted just to hold it rubbing it trying to bring any life to his body. My hand brushed up his wrist catching on something. I rolled the sleeve up to find several nicotine patch. Well thats healthy, I thought pulling them off. You better not have more of these on. I grabbed his other arm pushing the sleeve. Oh my god, I took a deep breath looking over the small white upraised scars that went all down the younger mans arm. Without thinking I was running my fingers down each one as if that was going to make any difference. The doctor in me was glad to see that they were clearly old and seemed to deliberately avoid vital areas, something that I knew that Sherlock would be well aware of.

"This him?" A paramedic asked walking into the room.

"Yeah thats right." I said jumping up. "I mean why else would he being lying here?" I laughed trying to lighten the situation. The paramedic just looked at me. They wheeled in a stretcher which they hoisted Sherlock onto. I followed them out of the room and down to the street

"Do you have a car?" One of the men asked. "So you can follow along behind." I shook my head.

"Can't I just go with him?" I asked knowing full well what they were going to say.

"Are you family?"

"No, but..."

"Sorry." He said as they finished loading him up.

"Doctor." I turned to see that Lestrade had joined us. "I'll give you a ride."

"Thank you so much." I said relieved that I was not going to have to hail a cab. It was cold meaning that it would have been harder.

"Of course. This way." We drove along not far behind the ambulance that was speeding down the streets. When we arrived they told us to stay in the waiting room. I expected Lestrade to leave, but he didn't. He just sat next to me neither of us talking.

"Where is he?" Mycroft yelled stamping into the hospital.

"Who?" One of the nurses asked tentatively. He talked quietly to the nurse before being escorted away onto the emergency room, but not before tossing his coat and brief case at his only slightly present assistant who was busy texting away on her cell phone. Never the less she sat down with the rest of us to wait. Nodding her head to acknowledge that we had met. Something that I found surprising given that she hadn't even given me that curtsey when we had met.

"And how have you been Anthea?" Lestrade asked looking over at her.

"Alright." She said still not looking up. "And you?"

"Fine." He answered.

"John?" She asked. I just shrugged I was to worried to be feeling anything. "Mycroft is not happy with you." She said.

"What? What did I do?" She rolled her eyes. Shifting in her seat to look at us.

"You were supposed to be looking after him." She laughed. "Though you know I think that you were doing a decent job. Besides injuries gotten on cases I don't think that we've had one of these since you've come around. Is that right?" She was looking at Lestrade.

"You know I think that you might be right." He nodded.

"So I'm guessing that this means this isn't the first time then." I said. They nodded. "Great." I sighed.

"Fully out cold I think its been years." Lestrade said.

"What about ?" Anthea pointed out.

"Right that." Lestrade nodded. "That has happened a few times."

"Wow so he basically doesn't even care at all for himself and has been trying to kill himself." I said.

"I guess its an accident." Anthea said offhandedly.

"He's way to smart to do anything on accident." I spit the word accident out. I knew him and I've never known him to not think about something. "I'm sure it was a mistake when he slit his wrist to." I said rolling my eyes. They both just looked at each other.

"He told you about that?" The woman said.

"I didn't know him to be that much of a sharer." The older man added. "But I guess its you." He shrugged. Whats that supposed to mean? I though.

"He didn't exactly tell me." I admitted. "I noticed when I was checking up on him." They nodded. "But you both know. He told you."

"Ha as if he would tell me." Anthea said. "I was the one that answered the phone call from the hospital."

"Wow." I said.

"Yeah it was like ten years ago." She said. "I don't think I have ever seen Mycroft so freaked out. I mean passed out that I can deal with, but killing himself..."

"Doesn't it just not fit." I mused out loud. "I mean things don't bother Sherlock Holmes."

"No thats when he changed." She said. "He was different. It was after that he decided he wanted to work with the police."

"He was like sixteen and his brother forced us to let him come along for a few cases. I thought it was a bloody awful idea." He said. "But as always he proved me wrong and solved the whole dang thing."

"I thought you said you knew about the..." I awkwardly motioned to my arms.

"Oh yeah. When he came to us he still had all the bandages on. Not to mentioned his brother defiantly pulled that card when trying to convince us to take him." He laughed.

"Wow I guess I don't know him all that well."

"Does anyone?" Lestrade sighed, Anthea nodded turning back to her phone. "Something very important?" He said looking over her at her.

"No." She smirked clicking away mindlessly. I wished that I could have calmed down, but no. I wanted to be in the hospital room. I wanted to be there making sure that Sherlock was alright. I picked at my nails as if that was going to be the source of any solace. I should have taken care of him. I know how awful he can be about his health.

"If your here with Mr. Holmes you are aloud to go see him." A nurse said walking over to us. I jumped out of my seat. The other two stayed seated.

"Aren't you all coming?" I asked.

"No I don't do hospital rooms." Anthea said. "For a normal person I would just go pick up flowers at the gift shop, but I'm never doing that again." She shock her head.

"What happened?"

"He was in the hospital and I was like trying to be nice, 'cause you know thats what people do. But apparently giving gifts is a complete frivolity and and sappy card are actually bad for his mental health." She smiled rolling her eyes.

"Sounds about right." I agreed.

"I'll be in later. I'll give you guys a few minutes." Lestrade said. Why would we need that, I wondered.

"Just me I guess." I said slapping my pants. The nurse led me through the maze the bustling corridors of the hospital. Sherlock had been moved from the emergency ward and up to another floor that was for recovery. The floor was more calm then the other. It felt like the clinic that I had spent all day working at.

"This room right here." The nurse said motioning to a door. I pushed the door opened. Mycroft was pacing the room.

"How could you let this happen!" He snapped as I walked in.

"Me?"

"You should have taken better care of him."

"I should have?" I laughed. "You have got to be joking." I know that I should have done something. I know that he needs to be taken care of, but Mycroft had no right to blame me.

"Did I or did I not ask you to take care of my brother?" He asked getting in my face.

"Well I suppose that you did." I admitted. "But..."

"No excuses you had one job and you failed!" He yelled.

"What ever!" I wish I had been able to come up with something clever to say. I stomped further into the room grabbing his chart and sitting down on the foot of the bed. Dehydration, thats what I thought, thats what triggered the seizure. Malnutrition, I sighed, only Sherlock could manage to have malnutrition in a house that was fully stocked with food consisting of all of the needed array of nutrients. Oh and the icing on the cake an assortment of illegal substances. "Damn it." I threw the chart on the floor. As a doctor I just wanted to slap him. "And this... this is normal." I said turning back to Mycroft, who nodded. "Great."

"Don't be like that." Mycroft said taking a seat at the top of the bed brushing the hair off his brothers forehead. "Sherlock." He said kissing him the top of his head. "He's stable now." Sherlock blinked trying to lift his arm to whip his eyes, it caught on the IV's.

"Whats that?" He asked looking around. "I'm at the hospital?" Mycroft nodded. "I must have fainted." He kicked me, making me look back at him. "I can't seem to remember did we get to the police station?"

"Yeah kind of." I said. "They have the map, if thats what you mean."

"Great." He sat up quickly. "I think we've been here quite long enough." Mycroft put his hand out restraining Sherlock who melted back.

"Your not going any where."

"Why? I'm fine." He said his eye lids heavy like a sick child trying to talk you into letting them go play.

"On the bright side he probably can't walk." Mycroft said. "A mix of just plain exhaustion on top of everything else should keep him bed ridden."

"Thats not a bright side." Sherlock spat. "John would you please tell my brother that I would like him to leave now."

"Really?" I said.

"Yes." He said kicking me again.

"He wants you to leave." I said complacently.

"Thank you John I'm glad Sherlock has you eating out of the palm of his hand. I think I can see why you failed so utterly at keeping him safe."

"I did not fail!" I yelled.

"Then who did?"

"Its not his fault!" Sherlock screamed. We both looked at him. Could he really admit that this was indeed his own doing. "Its not anyones... fault that is." Of course not. There was a knock at the door and Lestrade entered.

"Is this a bad time?" He asked. "I need to get back to the station so I thought I'd come make sure you were alright."

"Why are you here?" Sherlock asked.

"Call me crazy, but when people that I work with get sick I feel the need to make sure that they're alright."

"I agree that is crazy." Sherlock said nodding. "I want you to know that if you were in the hospital I probably wouldn't visit you."

"I figured as much." Lestrade said. "But as I've told you basically every other time this has happen that's because I actually care about people."

"Oh yes there is that." Sherlock acknowledged.

"Just get better, okay?" Lestrade said giving up.

"I suppose they're going to make me." Sherlock said with a small smile.

"Thank you so much for coming." Mycroft said.

"Of course." Lestrade said. "As I said I should be getting go."

"Best you be running along you are at least a little less incompetent then the rest of them." Sherlock said.

"I guess I should take that as a complement." He said waving and leaving the three of us alone again.

"Are we leaving yet?" The detective asked, making both of us sigh exasperatedly.

"You are not going any where." Mycroft said. "I on the other hand need to get going."

"Your leaving?" I said.

"Yes. Watch over him and do make sure not to fuck it up again." He stood up. "I talked to the doctors you'll be staying the night with him. I don't think that he should be alone even for the night."

"Are we leaving?" Anthea had arrived at the door.

"Yes we are." He said. "Did you get my text?"

"Yep." She said tossing a jar across the room at Mycroft. "At first I thought I read it wrong, but then I figured I should just go to the store."

"Thank you my dear." He said handing me the jar, which I looked down at. Peanut-butter. "Mr. Watson do make sure that he eats that."

"Thats disgusting." Sherlock said.

"And you wouldn't have to eat it if you had just kept yourself in good health." His brother said. "Its a nutrition thing you probably understand better then me." He said turning to me. "But as I said the doctors said he had to eat it. Anyways must be going. Good night boys." He ruffled Sherlocks hair making him slap at his hands. I watched the two other people leave. There was only me and Sherlock now and to make maters worse I was stuck here. Great, I thought moving to sit on a near by chair, this is just how I was hoping to spend my night.


	3. Chapter 3

"Well now that he's gone I suppose we can be done with this whole thing and go home." Sherlock said smiling at me. He shuffled around. "John aren't you going to help me?"

"No Sherlock, I'm not going to help you." I said.

"Then how am I supposed to get up? I'm hooked to all of these machines?"

"Those machines saved your life." I said shortly.

"That was very kind of them, now can we leave?"

"How are you not getting this!" For a man that got everything, he seemed to be missing that I was not going to let him leave.

"Getting what?"

"Jesus Sherlock!" I said. "Can't you even take one day to let yourself heal!"

"Heal!" He exclaimed. "You have got to be joking me..."

"No I'm not joking! Why would I be joking about this!"

"Because I passed out! Passed out John! Do you know how many times this has happened to me? Its not life threatening!" I could feel myself getting mad.

"Its not, is it!" I stomped over to grab the chart again throwing it at him. "Take a look at that and tell me that you were fine!" He looked at me sternly. "Look at it!"

"No." He said steadily.

"Why?" I said sitting back down in a huff.

"I already told you." He said reaching over to me. "I have done this a million times..."

"I hope you are totally aware that every time you say that I feel less and less like you should have any say in anything health related." I said grabbing his hand.

"All I'm saying is that I know what this chart says." he squeezed my hand tight. "Just trust me on this one."

"Please just read it." I stuck out my lower lip.

"Fine." He gave in glancing down for barely enough time to look at it let alone read anything. "Nothing thats going to kill me." He sighed.

"You don't have to sound so disappointed about that." He eyed me.

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing."

"Fine."

"Great." I ran my hand up his wrist. "We should get a spoon." I said trying to change the subject."

"A spoon?" He raised his eyebrow.

"Peanut butter." I reminded him.

"No." He whined kicking his feet.

"You don't like peanut butter?"

"Is that so odd?"

"I guess not. I just have never known you to be picky about food."

"Well I make an exception for peanut butter."

"Right." I laughed.

"Its not funny." He said with a pouty look on his face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh." I stood up. "I'm going to go find a spoon or something."

"I hate you." I hated how he could make anything sound true, even when I knew he was joking. Or I guess I hoped he was joking. It seemed like a small thing to jump to hate for trying to make him eat.

"When you are suffering from malnutrition your supposed to eat peanut butter." I said trying to reason with him. "The protein and sugar..."

"I know why I should eat it." Sherlock said. "Thats why I hate it. Every time I get sick my stupid brother makes me eat it. Its gross because its sick food."

"Wow." I said totally shocked.

"What? Why wow?"

"Nothing." I lied. That was just a really human thing to say! I had expected him to hate it for some strange chemical reason, something to technical for me to understand. It was such a normal reason to hate something.

"Your staring at me." He said breaking my thought. "Do you really want me to eat that?" He asked. I nodded slowly. He put his had out. "Give it to me then." I handed it over. "I hope this makes you happy." He opened it sticking his fingers in shoving it in his mouth.

"Thats disgusting." I said.

"I know thats what I've been saying." He smiled.

"I'm talk about the way your eating." I said trying to grab it back.

"Your the one that said I had to eat this shit."

"Sherlock you are being immature." He shock his head.

"No I'm never immature you must be thinking of the wrong person." He stuck his whole hand in the jar this time.

"Normally I would agree with that statement, but right now is an exception and you are." He was licking his fingers.

"I don't know what your talking about." He said.

"Fine." I said standing up trying to grab it from him. "You win."

"No I'm eating this." He said swatting at me.

"Gross your sticky." I grabbed for his hands. "Give me the jar."

"No." A sticky hand smeared against my face. He laughed finally handing me the jar. "That is really disgusting. I hope your happy." He nodded.

"You have no idea." he rubbed his hands together. "John?"

"What?"

"Can you come here?"

"I'm right here."

"A little closer."

"What?" I leaned in putting my hands on the bed.

"Thank you." He said wiping his hands on my sweater. He laughed looking more alive then I had ever seen. He's always looks beautiful when he smiles, of course I mean that in the way guys call each other beautiful you know... Thats totally normal... "If your not going to eat then you should be doing the next best thing."

"Whats that?"

"Sleep." I said pushing him down.

"You sound like my brother." He said letting himself lay back. "Where are you sleeping?"

"I'm fine on the chair." I said looking around.

"Don't be ridiculous." Sherlock shook his head.

"I suppose that means that you have a better option."

"Of course I do."

"Obviously, because your so much smarter then me." I said in a sarcastic tone.

"At least you have finally excepted that fact." He nodded.

"I was joking." I snapped. "So where exactly do you suggest that I sleep."

"You can sleep with me." I suppressed a laugh. "Are you really that much of a child. I obviously don't mean sleep with like that. I mean sleep in my bed." He moved to the side rearranging his I.V. around until there was enough space for me.

"I'm alright." I said sitting myself back down firmly in my seat. I pulled my sweater over my head using it to wipe the peanut butter off my face.

"You know thats really funny." He said. I eyed him.

"What are you talking about?"

"I just think its kind of ironic that you are trying to convince me that your fine to sleep on a chair. Because basically every time that I choose to sleep in the living room you go on about how it is not possible to get proper sleep when not in a bed. So by your own logic sleeping in a bed is far superior. Now swallow your ridiculous pride and get over here to sleep in a bed with me."

"You know that I only tell you that because when your in the living room you don't sleep." I pointed out. "And you need far more looking after then me."

"Thats not right is it? I have just as much right to worry about you." Sherlock rolled over so he wasn't facing me anymore. "Whatever, just would you turn the lights off?" I smiled to myself. Theres not much that I wouldn't do if it actually meant that Sherlock was going to sleep. I went across the room and flicked the switch. The room was flooded into darkness. I tried my best to watch my step all the way back. I looked back and forth between the chair and bed, before deciding that he was right and I was being silly. I climbed up. To say that we fit would probably be a bit of an overstatement, but its not like we completely didn't fit.

"Are you happy?" I said making him laugh. "You have to actually sleep." I reminded him. He wiggled around to look at me.

"I'm in bed with the lights off what else am I going to do."

"Right," then something happened. I didn't do it on purpose. I guess my laying in bed cuddling instincts kicked in or something. "Good night." I leaned in kissing him. Even as I did it I realized my mistake. My friend went completely rigid. "Oh my god I'm sorry." I said pulling back. Sherlock spun back around hiding his face in his pillow. "I'm... I didn't mean..."

"Just go to sleep John." He said evenly, passing me part of the blanket. I fidgeted around trying to figure out how I was going to sleep comfortably while maintaining plenty of space between us. My arm felt awkward, there was no where to rest it.

"Sorry," I kept muttering as I readjusted.

"Stop moving." Sherlock said grabbing my arm. "Your never going to get comfortable doing that." He placed my arm down resting it against his side. "Now stay like that." I let out a sigh of relief. I don't know what I would have done if I had really messed things up. What if he had just stopped talking to me? I mean I don't know what I would have done if he had... If he had done that to me. Once I had found my position falling asleep took barely any work at all. I tried my best to stay awake at least until I could tell that Sherlock was fully asleep, that of course did not happen. I don't think the day that I fall asleep before Sherlock will ever happen.

That night was one of the worst night of sleep that I have ever had. My dreams were filled with Sherlock, dead. In those few hours I must have watched him die a thousand times in a thousand different ways; falling off a cliff, being shoot, hit by a car, breaking his neck, killing himself...That one came back more then the rest, the scars on his arm gaping opened wounds. As it got later the dreams became more gruesome and creative; the guillotine, those old saw mills, everything that you can imagine. I woke up fully sick to my stomach, tears running down my face.

I ran my hand through Sherlock's loose curls making sure that he was there and that he was alive. I took a deep breath. He was still sleeping. I climbed out of the bed trying my best to keep it that way. Why must he always be such an idiot.

"Thank you." I heard him mutter under his breath grabbing my arm. "I could have died."

"I know." I spat back. "You could have." I shock his arm off walking out of the room. You could have died and left me here without you! I slammed the door leaning against the wall, slowly letting myself slid down, tears pouring from my eyes. How could he care that little for himself when I cared so much for him! Why do I have to love such an idiot! I tried to convince myself that I didn't love him or that it was love in the friendship sense of the word, but I knew that I wasn't fooling myself. Which I guess makes me an idiot as well. Only an idiot would fall in love with Sherlock Holmes.


	4. Chapter 4

The hallway was well lit. All the staff going on with their morning duties. I should get up and get to my clinic, and do my morning duties. I know one thing I shouldn't be doing; sitting in a hallway crying my ass off over a guy. Wow, somehow I never thought that was something that I would say! Sitting crying out here was better then in there, where I would be judged by him. I'm sure Sherlock never cries.

Need to get moving, I thought standing myself up. I made myself start walking, it seemed like the only way that I was going to get over this. I would go to the front desk and call my work. Friend in the hospital was reason enough to not go in my opinion. Then I would walk around the block a few times and grab some breakfast for both of us. If I come back with breakfast then it would seem like that was why I left. Ah shit, that would never work! Undoubtedly Sherlock had already fully figured out what I was doing out here. Well its not like I have a better plan. I sulked down stairs.

"Doctor Watson." I turned to see Mycroft heading the opposite direction on the stairs.

"Oh hi." I said trying not to make eye contact with him.

"I trust you took good care of my brother?" It was amazing how he could make the simplest statement sound menacing.

"Yeah. Sure." I said. "But I actually have to get going. I'll be back though so we can talk then." I continued on. I should have just talked to him, wow it I seem to just be a bloody idiot today! Anthea was sitting in the waiting room when I got there. I waved, of course she didn't even look up. "Can I use that?" I asked the receptionist pointing at the phone.

"I don't care." She said rolling her eyes.

"Lovely." I said picking it up. I quickly dialed.

"Hello." Sarah answered cheerfully. All of a sudden I was hit with a total feeling of guilt. I had kissed and slept in a bed with someone who wasn't my girlfriend... Not that sleeping in a bed really means anything, but there was some cuddling, so I don't know... Cuddling plus having feels for, yeah I guess that counts.

"Hey." I said trying to echo the same excitement. "Listen I don't think that I'm going to be able to come in today."

"Oh," she said sounding concerned. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine its Sherlock."

"Oh of course obviously if Sherlock needs you." She said sarcastically.

"He's in the hospital, so yeah I do think that he kind of needs me." I snapped.

"Oh my god." Sarah sounded guilty. "I'm so sorry I just figured that... you guys were off on one of your adventures... you know... send him my best regards." I was nodding.

"Its really okay. I get it." Guilt more guilt building up. I need to do some. "You know one more thing I've been doing some thinking about us."

"What?"

"I was thinking you know and maybe its just me, but I think that this relationship... I mean no let me start over."

"What are you saying?"

"I was going to say that I didn't think that we were working, but thats not really true. I think that your awesome..."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"Actually yes very badly, because I'm in love with someone else." I said biting my lip.

"Fuck its him isn't it?" She asked. "I knew it."

"Wait what you knew it?"

"Well duh. It didn't really take a genius to tell that you guys were into each other."

"No, not us into each other. Its just me I don't think hes really into people at all."

"Seriously?" She laughed. "You actually believe that he doesn't like you?"

"I know that he doesn't. At least not in the same way I like him. No wait back to the first one I'm not even sure that he likes me at all. I told you he doesn't like people in the way that a normal person does."

"Sure hes weird, but that doesn't change the fact that he likes you."

"And you know this because?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I can see the way that he looks at you when your not looking." She said. "I can see that he would make any excuse to keep you away from me and with him." I blushed beside myself.

"Thats all lovely but it doesn't change the fact that when it comes down to it he didn't kiss me back."

"You kissed him?"

"Shit," I said, "I didn't mean to mention that. Sorry."

"Whatever." She sighed. "You know like two seconds ago I was thinking that I was going to be really mad about all this and totally freak out."

"I'm hoping that means that you changed your mind." I said. She was quiet. "So..." I tried to continue.

"Oops I was nodding, but this is a phone so you didn't see that. Anyways thats right I'm not going to freak out and do you know why that is?" She asked quickly

"Do tell."

"Pretty much, because I figured that it was coming pretty soon. I'm kinda surprised that it took you so long."

"If you knew it was coming why would you freak out in the first place?"

"Because you were dumping me, instincts kick in. Your just lucky I didn't start crying."

"That could have been awkward."

"Anyways I should be getting back to work. You should be with your man." My man, I smiled. "And if he didn't kiss you then it was for another reason, because he likes you. Now go turn on that charm and woe him and get married and have lots of babies. Can you do that for me?" She asked cheerfully.

"Not really, saying as there are some physical set backs."

"You know what I mean." She said. "I'm hanging up now. Bye."

"Bye." The phone went dead. I put down my end. "Here you go. Thank you for letting me use it." The woman looked at me disgustedly. "Is something wrong?"

"Did you just break on the phone."

"Well kind of, but it was okay if you were listing... She was really cool about it."

"Pig."

"Right then I think I'm gonna go." At least that was one thing off my mind. Time to get breakfast. When I stepped outside I was finally able to take in the time of day, not the minute like Sherlock can, but enough to see that the sun had already been up for a bit so it was probably around eight-ish. That was good because it meant that there would be stuff opened. The other thing that I noticed was that it was freezing and I was not wearing a jacket or even sweater. "Oh bollocks." I swore under my breath. There was nothing much I could do about it so I kept up a quick pace as to keep warm. I jogged into a near by coffee house. I got us each a coffee, I got a scone and ordered Sherlock a breakfast sandwich. It seemed like I had to get him something with protein given his state. I wasn't even into the hospital when I was greeted in a less then ideal fashion.

"What did you do?" Mycroft was blocking my way in.

"Your not really back to yelling at me?" I said rolling my eyes. "I did what you asked. I stayed with Sherlock. What more can you ask of me?"

"Clearly that was not the only thing that happened."

"I don't know what your talking about." I said honestly.

"I'm sure."

"Being mean to me not going to do anything for you. Because I don't know what your talking about."

"Really?"

"Yeah really."

"I don't believe you."

"Of course you don't. Now if you don't mind I would like to go inside so that I can take care of my friend. Something that you seem to think I care nothing about."

"Right I'm the one thats being mean, even though your the one that left my little brother, whom I have not seen cry in about ten years, sitting in a room weeping."

"What?" I said. "He was crying." I pushed past him into the hospital. "Why was he crying?"

"Wouldn't say." Mycroft said following close behind me. "Now you better go make this right."

"What do think that I'm doing?"

"Guys!" Anthea said tapping on her employers shoulder.

"Not right now." He said.

"But its..." I was already heading up the stairs, followed by both of them. I threw the door to the room opened.

"Where's Sherlock?" I round on Mycroft. The room was empty, the equipment scattered around like someone had left in a frenzy.

"He was in his room."

"Will you all listen to me now." Anthea said.

"Anthea," Mycroft turned to her. "Would you happen to have seen Sherlock."

"Yes thank you for asking." She gave him a fake smile. "When you went to wait outside he checked himself out."

"And you didn't think that maybe you should, I don't know, STOP HIM!"

"Jeez don't yell at me." She said. "No I didn't stop him, because no one told me that I was supposed to."

"Sometimes I make this ridiculous assumption that you might actually be able to use logic!"

"Fine." She said. "Then I'm not going to tell you anything else." She crossed her arms.

"Damn it." I muttered. "Please if you know anything else."

"As a matter of fact I do." She turned to me pushing Mycroft away. "He left through the back."

"That would explain why we didn't see him." I said.

"True, but he asked the receptionist to call him a cab."

"Was he going home?" I asked, she shock her head. "How are we going to figure out where he went."

"Oh I don't know." She pulled out a piece of paper with an address scribbled across it. "Maybe I wrote it down. Hows that for logic bitches." She smirked as Mycroft pulled the paper out of her hand.


End file.
